so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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