i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
