I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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