and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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