32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
