She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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