call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
