Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
