Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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