When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
