im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
