hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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