i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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