Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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