You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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