I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
