Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
