Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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