I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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