Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
