You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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