mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
