i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
