Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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