this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
