Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
