I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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