If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
