I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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