just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
