I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you didnt know i had herpes?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
