mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
