And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
