i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
