No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
