so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
