i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
