I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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