We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
