Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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