I am spending my child support on dildos
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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