So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My dick has a subreddit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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