We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
