I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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