Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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