Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
