The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
