I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
