well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
