I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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