I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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