she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
