I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
