i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
