I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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