I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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