im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
