no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
