He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
