Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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