my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
