you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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