My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
